Continuation of Misled

Chapter three

I opened my door the fastest way I could, sat down on the bed and dialed Emeka's number. I was getting frustrated because that was the fourth time I had called him on that fateful Saturday.

 Emeka is not like this, probably his phone is not with him, I thought. I laid down my head and thought it was best if I slept.

I woke up with a jilt, cleaned my face that was dripping with sweat and turned over to where I thought I kept my phone. I swept my hands furiously on the bed looking for my phone. After a minute of thorough search, I stood up to switch on the light to check if NEPA had brought the light, faithfully they didn't fail me so I switched on the fan also. I looked up towards the direction of the clock; it was 9:30pm.

"What's wrong with Emeka, why is he acting like this" I soliloquized.

When the outcome was negative after checking my phone to see if I missed any call, I got afraid. Does this mean the dream I had is gradually coming to pass? No, it isn't, just because I dreamt that Emeka jilted me doesn't mean he will jilt me. A dream is just a fragment of imagination, they don't come to pass, maybe it’s because of the stress I went through today, Emeka can't jilt me, I assured myself.

Emeka why have you been avoiding me? What have I done to you?

Nkem!! Nkem!! Leave me alone, stop disgracing me. Why will you be raising your voice at me on campus?

So I am now a disgrace to you? That's what you're insinuating, well I've come to tell you I'm 5 weeks pregnant for you.

 After these words came out, I regretted I ever said them. Emeka laughed so hard, I felt stupid.

Do I even know this guy?

A clip of what happened the other night played before me and I remembered the look he gave me, the look this bloody idiot gave me, the look of a child begging for food. Was I played? Is this what being played felt like? Then I realized in between my thoughts that Solomon didn't leave me heartbroken, he didn't even leave me at all, rather I left him.

Chapter four

Emeka was in year four, one of the rich, finest lawyer that was going be. He was a guy with the cutest eyes, the one that could make your leg wiggle when he winks at you. The friendly one, the down to earth guy that talks to everyone be it ugly or fine. He was just that all in all guy, the one all the girls on campus had their eyes on. So now tell me, how would you feel when this same guy, the one that can make you insane, comes to you (the lonely one, the one that only gets to talk when no one is there) and asks you to be his girlfriend. Yeah, I didn't even think, I didn't allow my brain to do the calculation I just jumped on him and said YES. I imagined us together holding hands, I couldn't wait to see eyes looking like they were going to pierce our souls, I couldn't just wait to be KNOWN.

Now I'm standing here looking at this same Emeka, the one I imagined I would marry, laughing his veins out because I told him I was pregnant for him. No!!! How could I be such a fool?

Holiday was in a weeks’ time, I couldn't go home with this pregnancy; what would my parent say. My parent were not rich neither where they poor, they were just average people trying their best to raise their only child in the best way they can. My dad was in his early 60's while my mum was in her late 50's, the delay they had before they got me made them cancel the thought of getting another child, I was their only hope from poverty.

 I couldn't go home like this; do I want them to die? I canceled the thought of going home with my present condition, there has to be another option.

My thought of staying in the hostel was my only hope until we all got a message that we had to evacuate the building on Monday. I had only three days left to find a solution; the more I thought the more I knew there was no more hope. Then the thought of Josephine came and it gave me little hope; she was the only one I had even though she had a great deal in what happened to me. I had to meet her, she was the last option on my mind after the doctor told me that there was a high chance of getting complications if I decided to abort the child since I was only 18.

Chapter five

I saw the pastor demonstrating and speaking; and even though I tried to connect to him, I didn't hear a word that was said. The thought of suicide kept coming and coming since it seemed like it was the only option left. Tomorrow was the deadline, I needed a solution before tomorrow and the fact that I knew I wasn't going to get any, made me frustrated the more.

 I just have to do something before tomorrow!!! I shouted out of frustration, distracting the people that sat around me. An usher tapped me slightly on my shoulder, beckoned me to speak quietly and to also listen to the pastor.

Let's open our bible to the book of Matthew 16 vs. 26, he said. And it says "what shall it profit a man, if he gains the whole world yet loses his life?

And it struck me, struck me harder than I could even handle. I couldn’t allow my conscience to continue judging me so I stood up to my feet and made my way back to the hostel. I had gained the whole world, I was known; there was no one who didn't notice me in the campus, at least that was what I always wanted. But now, whenever I got attention I knew they were all mocking me, almost everyone had heard about the incidence; Josephine had done a good job of adding to my popularity by spreading the news of my pregnancy like wildfire, she never liked me anyway.

And now, realizing that I allowed myself fall for all this even though I had been taught continuously by my parents never to run to sin for relief;  made it feel like it was a curse, but no it wasn't a curse, it was a choice. I wanted the attention, the popularity, the fame and I got it even though I knew I was never fit for it.
 I was this calm and reserved person (I mean not too jumpy not too quiet). The one that observed more and talked less, I wonder what came over me. The worst part was that the more I got this attention I was craving for, the more I knew I was going to commit suicide any time soon.  Maybe I was never fit for this fame, just maybe.

Chapter six

It was Monday and everyone had started leaving, Josephine left the day before without telling me and I didn’t even care so much about that. I was bothered because everything started to fall in places, I could think clearly now and I understood that I was never the target; I was just used in between.

Josephine always envied me; she had a thing for Solomon and for the fact that he didn’t give her a chance after all the signals she gave him, made her hate me the more. Solomon still loved me,  Solomon went for me despite the person I was and the fact that I still let him go, made me a fool, I had concluded on that, I was a big fool.

Emeka and Josephine were close friends, that’s why it was easy for me because she helped me in getting to him. Following Josephine alone was great attention; I wonder what I wanted again?

I met Josephine first on a fateful Wednesday, It was out first psychology practical test on people and Josephine was my test subject. After practicals, we got talking and she appreciated my smartness because I was actually the best on that day.

 What’s even the use of going to school? if I couldn’t even notice that I was being used and I call myself a psychologist, so disheartening.

From that day, Josephine became my best friend because truly she was the only friend I had (apart from Solomon), we went everywhere together, she made me feel what it was like to come out of the shell and become noticed, to be the jumpy type. But even with all the attention I got from Josephine, it was nothing compared to the attention I got when I was with Emeka (that was how big Emeka was)

I remember the first day I met Emeka, Josephine noticed how uncomfortable I was around them, she knew the type of person I was and when she asked me why she knew I wouldn’t lie also. I told her the truth, I liked Emeka, who didn’t like Emeka? And she said she was going to help me out, it was an easy task for Josephine because they were close, and so I had my mind rest assured.

 I received a phone call from Emeka the next day pleading that we should all go out, even though I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable when I get there, I had to go because I knew how fun it would be. I don’t blame Josephine to be honest, I blame myself for getting tired of the person I was and trying to be who I wasn’t and will never be.

It was the next day I had sex with Emeka and it was that month I felt I had made it in life not knowing I made the biggest mistake of my life. Well, Josephine plan partly came alive because she took me out of the way by using Emeka to get me pregnant and to leave me in a shattered state. But the best and funny part was that Solomon didn’t still give her the chance. I will always love Solomon for that.

Well, that’s all in the past now because I’m home, living in a church just a stone throw from my house, all because my mum won’t allow me disgrace the family’s name.  I’m still grateful though, cause I have a roof over my head and I didn’t commit suicide even though the pain from the pregnancy is unbearable and it's killing me because I will have to tell my forthcoming son that he is a bastard and I went through all this because of the love of fame and friends or will I just tell him “I was misled”??